


Times No Healer

by DeeperShadowsOfRed (SheMovesInTheShadows)



Series: Fanciful Figments; Ed [7]
Category: Ed Sheeran - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheMovesInTheShadows/pseuds/DeeperShadowsOfRed
Summary: Too long has passed.Weeks etching into months.Ollie had moved on, or so she told herself.After all her Ex, the guy she had been smitten with, sure had forgotten all about her.Of this she was certain. There was enough images and stories floating around the media to prove that.It was time for her to follow suit, get back on the proverbial horse.Marking the occasion would prompt her to let it all go.And there was one way she knew how.A physical change would serve as constant reminder that that chapter of her life was well and truly over.





	1. Chapter 1

Grinning  anxiously at Lisa I passed Dom the signed consent form.

She put her thumbs up, although it was clear from.my friends stance that she was  still on the fence about me actually doing this. 

"All right love give us a sec, be ready for you in a jiff," the man said,  checking his clip board. Noting that I'd filled in all the required sections. Once the paper met his satisfaction he disappeared into a back room.

Giving Lisa ample chance to question me once more,"Ollie are you sure about this?"

I nodded, nerves gripping my throat. There was a smell of bleachy disinfectant hanging on the air. A combination that almost choked me, once it  hit the fan swirling slowly around to cool the humid day. Shoving the scent unmercifully into my mouth  making me feel like I was waiting in the dentists reception room for some reason.

she sighed, glancing at the framed health certificates adorning the walls. Getting up to inspect them with microscopic attention. 

"They're all up to scratch," I assured her, taking out my phone, clicking it onto silent. Last thing to cause undue worry should be the cell bursting into life and causing distraction at the wrong moment.

She was just being cautious, but her pacing was adding to my unease. I had checked this place out. Come in, inspected it last week. Searched for any negative feedback. It was good research on my part, being thorough. I wouldn't contemplate doing this, even entering the premises if I hadnt been one hundred percent certain of their standard of care. Less risk the better.

Everything was cosure. The folders of work, pictures, documentation, floors, walls, countertops all shone in cleanness. Nothing even Lisa's eagle observation could spot as a flaw.

Steady buzzing came from somewhere on the other side of the small building. Tone stopping every so often. Not sure what made me more skittish, the silence or humming. Surprisingly the place was virtually empty. Still I supposed it was early enough in the day. Plenty chance for things to pick up. 

Setting my mind to the rest of the day we had planned. A spot of lunch, shopping and if things carried on late enough a few drinks in our local pub. Perfect for a Friday. Just had to get this out of the way.

Dom reappeared casting an irritated look in Lisa's direction. He knew her sort. She continued hovering. Sencing many  questions chasing around her mind, praying she would keep them civil. Not let the lawyer in her take over. Dom would probably be a lot less willing to deal with me if he knew who my companion was. 

Although dressed casually enough, she stuck out as being ladylike. A quality I always admired. No matter how windswept or intense, my friend carried herself in a certain manner. Not arrogant or unapproachable but more so a gentle classyness. Understated even. 

She could have a laugh or climb a tree faster than a gazelle. Which is why we were drawn together. Tomboys at heart. 

Although we'd discussed things in great detail, Lisa still didn't see why I had decided to 'deface' my body.

I didn't see it that way. There was a certain freedom from owning yourself, and what you chose to do to the vessel that housed your soul.  This was a gesture of release, letting go. Embracing the fact that my mind had become free of the obsessive control.  This was saying goodbye to the regiment and stress backing every choice made to date. 

Picking career & education over getting out there and living. 

Future paths over now. 

Most damning, I sighed, blinking back threatening tears, watching my best friend fiddling anxiously with her engagement ring, I'd let hatred strip me of the courage to embrace love.

"Come through," Dom said calmly,  standing by a doorway gesturing for me to rise and follow him. Swallowing hard, I passed Lisa my handbag and coat, visably trembling.

She smiled reassuring ," you'll be fine....."

"Sure she can come in with ya," Dom hurriedly exclaimed," fine with me, if thats what you'd prefer."

"Lisa, would you mind?" I burst relieved at the offer.

"Of course not," she smiled, giving my hand a quick squeeze. 

It was stupid to be this freaked out, but try telling my body that. My brain couldn't convince it that everything would be alright. After all this deliberation and almost borderline excitement, all got drowned out but whispers of dread. 

I knew what faced me was a sterile needle. And the thought of that steel pointed weapon brought nausea to my chest. Yet another irrational phobia of mine. But this one I could face, had to if I wished to be pierced.

Stupidly dreaming up a quick, near painless scenario. Like when I'd got my ears done years ago. Being eight at the time and having it done post haste by a girl in Claire's Accessories, who was in a mad rush and wanted to clock out on time. The whole process was done within the blink of an eye. 

Something told me this would be a more invasive affair.

Dom stood to the right of me explaining something that I wasn't quite following. I mean the odd couple of words registered.  But they were just sounds made while he moved the now gloved hands around. So that is what he'd been doing over at the sink, while I laid down on this plastic covered nightmare of a couch. 

Wishing I'd paid enough attention to his scrub up. Was his cleanliness up to the standards of Dr Mc Dreamy from Greys Anatomy. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if he'd missed a spot or two.

'Give ova Ollie,' I chastised myself internally,' of course he knew how to be hygienic, you'd seen his licence out in the lobby.'

Dom was qualified for all piercings, the paper sat happily beside his up to date First Aid Certificate. A peculiar way to place the credentials but hey, at least everything was laid out for inspection.

He swabbed some chilled liquid around, before adding topical anesthetic.. Vaguely taking in the blue markings he had made on my navel, catching the skin up in a metal gaget. One that reminded me of oversized tweezers.

My eyes were drawn to his ears. He had a couple of those breaker rings in them. Creating holes. I mean I knew the contraptions were supposed to stretch the skin wider, open the hole further. But argued with myself over what they were actually called.. Anyway whatever they were they sure looked painful. Large enough for me to pass a couple of fingers through. Not that they were his only piercings. He had an eyebrow done and a rather vicious spiked affair going on above his chin.

 

Dom reached for the dreaded pin, I could feel the warmpth literally draining from my skin. 

Investigating my stomach once more he grumbled, repsitioning the metal pincher," stop sucking in, if you want this going in straight."

Too struck with his brash instruction to be embarassed. I relaxed enough to do as he bid.

"Good. Now deep breath," he muttered.

I nodded, trying to put myself elsewhere, keeping my stare between Lisa and the ceiling. She was stood close enough to give moral support while giving Dom scope to sink sharp steel into my flesh.

Trying not to squirm as the metal scratched painfully up. I fought with the pulling urge to investigate where the shooting stab came from.

Lisa's face was enough to force me to do just that, eyes wide, teeth gritted. Snapping gaze to his hands in horror, perfectly.timed to see the hollow needle sticking sickingly out of flesh. A human pin cushion.

Dom had turned to deal with the simple, Sterling silver ball  bar I had picked out earlier. Latching it quickly through the metal hole. Gulping as he pushed it through, getting rid of the pin altogether. 

The worse was over, but my stomach flolded in on itself at this moment. 

Causing Dom to pause his rather cheerful humming," everything alright?"

Gulping out a, "yeah fine."

Lisa took over," Doing great Ollie hun. It looks fab."

Dom was swabbing the site once more. All I could feel was numb. Pin- prickling numbness replacing previous pain. 

"Ok, so your done.," he said snapping off the gloves, tossing them into a bin. Relief and excitement flowed through me. All that surge of panic for nothing. The procedure happened so fast. Dom talked me through the after care I should do to keep infections at bay. Standing up, I gave the piercing proper inspection, Lisa stood to my side positively beaming.

"Seriously didn't think you'd go through with it," she confided smiling.

"For a minute there neither did I."

Dom continued his clear up, leading us to the lobby once more. Searching through the folders out front, he grabbed some pamphlets on navel piercing care. Stapeling his business card to the front he passed it over. 

Half way through putting my pin into their card machine Lisa startled me.

" Oh crap," she exclaimed," flipping small world."

"Whats up?" I asked over my shoulder, checking that the payment went through seamlessly. 

"Do you have customer toilets," Lisa rushed, butting in..

Dom stared at her in complete puzzlement,"  yeah, sure down the corridor to your right."

"Great," she exclaimed, clutching my elbow and angling us towards them.. Too shocked with the sudden, insistent  pushing to put up much  of a fight.

"Hey, yo wait up," Doms voice followed us," you forgot these..."

"Oh, yeah thanks," Lisa acknowledged  backing me into the blue Washroom door.

"What the.....what gives?" I spluttered annoyed. Fair enough if she was desperate to use the facilities, this was taking things to a whole new level of weird. I mean I knew girls usually traveled in pairs, using excuse of 'powdering their nose' to gossip unheard. This was just ridiculous.

"Lisa?!" a male voice exclaimed, and she froze. 

Ed! 

Sickingly the pit of my stomach flipped I hadn't seen him since that day. Feeling new pain dash through old scars. What on heaven and earth was he doing here, right now?

"Oh hey Ed," she stammered, casting me a sharp look as she moved over to greet him. Avoiding the urge to spy on the scene I closed over the door, listening like a fly would through the flimsy wooden frame.

"You guys know each other?"came another voice. 

Maxwell. The guy who was in here when I scoped the place out last week.. He had steel grey eyes and a tuft of whiskers on his chin, masquerading as a goatee. He had introduced himself and given me an off the books tour of the facilities. 

"Sure do," Ed said cheerily," Lisa's a friend of mine."

'Friend of yours!'I whispered annoyed.

It was childish but all my mind could think about was correcting that statement. Lisa was my oldest and best friend, he would never have met her, if not through me. Gary, Lisa's fiance and Ed had gotten on so well together that they still stayed in touch now. Even after the break up of our relationship. I knew this feeling was of pure envy that he was still connected to my friends when the two of us werent even on speaking terms. 

It was stupid. We had decided mutually to have a break, a week turned into a month turned into five. By then it was really too awkward to strike up a connection. 

If only he knew how many times I picked up that damn cell, wanting to call and just hear his voice. Even if it was a quick hello, before he rushed off somewhere.

I still had texts and funny emails saved that he had sent. Clogging up my inbox, but there was no way I could bring myself to get rid of them. This was some twisted kick from fate and karma combined. Him being here, now. 

Just when conviction that life goes on had set in here comes something to test my resolve. An exam I was failing. 

Every word he spoke, although innocent, reminded me of why I'd fallen for him in the first place. Ed was casually talking to Lisa about things that had happened since he last touched base with Gary.  

The two of them getting lost in conversation, until Dom brought things crashing back to reality.

"So is your friend gonna sleep in there or what?" he asked Lisa.

"Eh, I don't...," she stammered, caught not knowing where to turn. How to divert the answer in such a way to not cause more intrigue and confusion.

"Friend?!" Ed. chuckled," don't tell me Gary's here to get inked."

"God no!!" She burst out laughing nervously," he wouldn't...that's not."

"Not what?" Ed. responded lightly," not your soon to be old man style!!"

 Footsteps approached the door and  I nearly keeled over.

"Everything alright in there," Maxwell's asked, knocking lightly. 

Damnit I cursed, couldn't stay in here forever, opening the door a crack,to face the man," all fine., honestly."

His grey eyes glimmered mirthfully," any reason to why we're whispering?"

"Plenty," I sighed lowly, glancing cautiously around opening the frame more.

"Let me guess friend trouble," he joked, nodding towards where Lisa was probably stood.

"not quite,...try ex," surprised at how open I was with a virtual stranger. 

His eyebrows shot up, before giving a cursery inspection from head to foot" really? Don't strike me as his type."

"Apparently not," I agreed., taking a deep breath. Srolling out towards the counter, that Dom was now leaning on," sorry about that. Where we're we?"

"Ollie?" Ed mumbled in disbelief," you....I mean I just assumed..."

"Assumed, Lisa and Gary are insperable," taking the card and pamphlets from Dom I shoved them quickly into my bag. Trying to act non-chalant as the ginger haired singer stepped towards us," Thanks Dom. You've been very patient."

"Any questions... " the man started, unable to finish his question from my curt responce.

"No. Perfect, got all I need. Thanks."

"Any queries you've got my card," Dom said levely. Not happy that he wasn't able to give me a more in dept sending off.

Turning to leave, I found Ed  standing in the intended path. Heart trembling into fitfully butterflies. He hadn't changed at all. Not sure what I was expecting after only five months, maybe drastic change. But no. There he was the same wiry haired guy who left me speechless. Wearing a funky blue distressed Superman T-shirt, jeans and trainers. His hair was cut in such a way that it was more tamed. Thinned out of the usual crazy fullness. 

Dazzling blue eyes stared back at me, uttering, " it's been a while. How've you been?"

"Great," I lied. Hoping he wouldn't tell  how hard it was for me to face him right now..

"Oh God Ollie, look at the time," Lisa interrupted," we seriously gotta go. Sorry Ed."

Linking her arm through mine, we headed for the door. 

I had never been more thankful to leave that building. Not even once looking back. Old wounds were already opened, no need to add acid to make them any more raw.

****

"I know Mom, tomorrow at eight, you've only told me like twenty times," I grumbled, listening to her remind me yet again about family dinner. She had it set up over a fortnight ago, making sure we were all free to attend. 

It was a meal she wanted before my brother set off for his year long trek across Australia. There was no way I would miss or forget the occasion. 

"Are you bringing anyone?" she asked, causing me to roll my eyes in irritation. 

"No. Told you yesterday it'll just be me," I replied entering the apartment  block. Shuffling wearily up the stairs.

"But Kelly and Sara will be there, you sure you don't want......"

"Mom," I repeated sternly," I'll be just fine, on my own."

"Ah honey," she said,," I'm not saying you won't be alright. ......I just worry."

Nearing my floor, shirking the bag to release a handle, I searched for house keys,"  do you need me to pick up anything?"

A balancing act which went almost flawlessly. If only it were talent worthy to win acclaim.. Of course it needed polishing up to perfection. But if worked correctly it w as an act I could possibly take on the road. My mind wandering off on a tangent to distract from current conversation. Hating where it was doubtlessly headed.

My change in subject, would prevent us from travelling down this route again. She hated that I lived on my own in the 'big city'. Even though this was going on year three. My mom never let it drop, that I should at least have a roommate or live closer to her. None of which was ever going to happen. I loved her, truly, but we drove each other slowly mad.  

And roommate wise, Twizzler had that covered. Easy to please, great listener, not much of a talker. Loyal and loving,  yep I needed no more than little fuzzball for company in the one bedroomed flat. Its as if she forgot how compact the place actually was. Where would another person fit. They'd hardly be happy flaking out on the couch for duration of the lease.

"Just yourself," she breezed happily, about to launch into another tale regarding her menu for tomorrow. I could just about reel it all off by heart now.

Reaching my landing I stopped dead in my tracks. Mouth suddenly dry. Sat cross legged on the doorstep was Ed.  He'd clearly been playing a game on his phone when I rounded the corner. Tune of Angry Birds beeping merrily away. My assumption that the sound came from one of the lads from the flat above, a wrong one. Glad not to have to squeeze past them descending down the narrow enough stair case, only to be confronted by a more awkward scenario.. This was not what faced the tail end of a long day. Work had been choppy. Needed to cover several bases at once. Never mind the fact that Rob had  the crazy idea of having me deal with the women's wear alone. Their manager one he avoided at the best of times. My task today to not bend to the will of her sales vision. We knew what sold, what was good for the store as a whole. Advertising pulled in bodies. She just wanted to sell brands that weren't picking up at all on that level.  Sighing lowly, I realised today was a people management kinda deal.

"Mom listen, I'll see you tomorrow. Gotta go, if you need anything just text Ok.."

"All right sweetie, take care.. love you," she chirped. Impending full house clearly something she was greatly looking forward to.

"Bye. Love ya,"I responded casting Ed. a confused look. Checking to see the call disconnect before addressing him," What are you doing here?"

He stood sheepishly running a hand through his copper locs,"hey. We didn't get much chance to talk the other day.."

Knowing that he ment our accidental meeting in the tattoo parlor. My chest heated recalling how juvenile I actually acted. Hiding in a bathroom stall, and barely acknowledging him at all.

But after nearly five and a half months no contact. Twice in one week was unbelievable. I was happy to see him. Flurries of joy racing around my veins, yet there was no denying that things were different now. I wondered was he here to try and be friends. I mean our relationship had dissolved, maybe now he just wanted closure, to clear the air maybe.

"So you just though you'd drop by?" I said frowning in puzzlement," why not just pick up the phone, I could have had plans..."

"Do you?" He replied simply, reaching out instinctively to relieve me of my groceries. Shaking my head to the negative, chewing the inside of my mouth.. Should've lied but he would see straight through any half baked excuse.

"Oh hey, you don't have to do that, I can manage," dodging out of his intended grasp to unlock my front door.

"Force of habit," he apologized, pink tinging ears. Sticking his hands into the hoodie sharply. Looking genuinely embarrassed. Cursing myself for being bitchy. Couldn't have just let it slide, nope had to go and stick the knife in.

"Do you wanna come in for a minute?" I asked, by way of making amends. Feeling that old zing of happiness as his face crinkled into the cheeky smile of his.

"Sure."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Depositing the shopping on the kitchen counter top.  I began packing things away. Ed was dealing with a rather hyper Twizzler. You could swear that cat was half dog. A genome crossed somewhere in his body. The feline climbing all over the ginger singer as if welcoming him back to our humble abode.

"So," he said gently,"that your Mom?"

"Yea,"I tutted, replaying the conversation in my head,"family dinner. You know how crazy she gets over these things..."

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly,"of course. But it's a good kinda crazy."

Ed had a kind heart and a certain soft spot for my mom. Vice versa the same could be said about her. That was despite the irrational fear she had that I would abandon my life to 'ride the coat tails of romance' instead of education or career.

Her advice had come from a good place. She had put her life on hold for me and my brothers. Being young when she met and married my Dad. She didn't forge a career for herself until all of us were in school.

There were dreams of travel, parties and general living that were missed out on while changing diapers. Although she loved us and would never change a thing. I knew by the fire in my Moms eyes that she wanted more for me. Live first. Then after milking experiences dry, settle down.

But Ed added to that resolve somewhat. It was hard to look at him and his passion for his career, and mistake him for being anything less than a driven man. Which brought into sharp focus that I should be just as 'nose to the grindstone',  as he was. 

Catching her hinting that I should strive big. Never settle for less. Like him. 

Yep, she really took to Ed right from the start. So my Mom was always pretty full on with him.

There was no aloof period at all. No pretense, just welcomed him into the madness that was our lives. Which meant all the gossip and over feeding that came with her dinner parties.

I'd been apprehensive when first introducing him to my family. Anxiety about it eating me up like brush fire. Verging on sickness right up until the instant we walked in the door.

But that was short lived. Even my brothers had caved to Eds charm. They'd taken to the singer as if he'd been part of our tree all along.

So much so that he'd been roped into cleaning up duties afterwards. Invited to dinner was one thing expected to wash up was another. 

But that was my Moms way of doing things. Those who cooked, didn't clean. So poor Ed had ended up on drying duty.

She was out there and bubbly, pretty blunt in her observations but that was my Mom. And I loved her for it.

I snorted, in agreement. He was right. It was a good kinda crazy she exuded.

"They all keeping well?" he continued covering my silence with genuine interest.

"Oh yeah. Never better. How bout your end, everyone good?"

"Great."

His one worded response hung in the air for a few moments. I swapped footing. Trying not to appear as anxious as I felt. There was no Lisa to rescue me this time, and I was a lot less bold around him.

When I'd seen him a few days ago, temper fueled on my rant. Now there was noting but shock and a peculiar tension hanging about. It felt strange after so long touching base like this. Attempting normality. Something that had been relatively easy months ago. Back when we were an official couple.

"You seemed busy on Friday," he inquired," off anywhere special. "

He couldn't quite meet my eyes as the question rolled out. Did I detect a tinge of bitterness, or was my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe he was put out that I'd been so abrasive.

Damn it, curse Lisa and her super hero rescuing powers. Now I had to think fast. Lies were not my speciality. Best be evasive. 

"Nowhere fancy, we were running behind time...had places to go..."

"People to see," he finished, unzipping his hoodie, throwing it onto the couch.

A move that Twizzler noticed. Jumping up instantly to burrow claws into the soft fabric..

Oh! My heart hammered.

He was making himself at home. Clearly there was more to discuss. I'd half been expecting him to make a hasty departure for some reason.

But I couldn't let him see that. No, best cover my surprise.

"Come on Twizz, no," I sighed moving to rescue the garment.

"Its ok let him," Ed chuckled," looks like he missed a man around the place."

Feeling my cheeks burn crimson, I strove," he IS the man of the house. What makes you think he missed you anyway, I'm still here after all.?"

What was I? Second fiddle... Chopped cheese?

Taking a step towards me, he smiled.

A small uncertain smile, but one none the less,"are you saying he didn't?"

"Well, he certainly had more time to nap without being disturbed by noise....."

"I'm not that loud..."

"Uh huh," I agreed half heartedly.

Distracted by how close he had chosen to stand. The smell of his flesh swimming to me in lungfulls. My heart twisted hard. Dipping in a startling manner. I'd never been so nervous in my damn life. He'd reached out, I froze.

Running hands uncertainly up my arms, trembles gripped me," Ed what are......"

"Ollie....I just," he said, broken up.

There was a tenderness to his voice. A tone that forced a lump to form in my neck. Unable to bring myself to look him in the eye. Afraid of what I'd find there.

Having not talked in so long this was awkward. He had left. Vanished from this very apartment and I'd refused to make contact and confront him about it. Being stubborn it was my full intention of waiting for him to call. Which he never did, so neither did I.

"Its been so weird being without you," the confession sounding similar to how I felt. We had been together for long enough to dent each others lives." I've filled the time with everything I could think of but......seeing you the other day... I can't pretend anymore.....it's too strange not having you around. It's been hell...."

"You're the one who left," I accused.

Shaking free of the light hold. As if I didn't know the kinda things he'd been 'filling' his time with.

Besides music that is. I wasn't stupid. And that damn internet made things so easy to access even if you didn't want to. Curiosity at the click of a mouse. Both a demon and Godsend in one electronic package.

"I know that, but we agreed to split..."

"Yeah and you said that we'd stay friends. That you'd be there," I was fuming now.

Reopening the hurt once more. Voice becoming cracked with emotion. Knowing the statement made me sound clingy.

"And I though I could handle it!" he spat back,"but each time I went to call. I just thought about holding you.....and..... well I just didn't even know where to start... If you'd even want to hear from me... We broke up after all..."

Biting down hard on my jaw," that was your choice Ed. Not mine."

"You said the words..."

As if I'd made the decision. I'd been the one to voice his doubts, that's all. And I refused to be painted the villian! No way were the tables going to be switched. 

"Yeah only because you were going to anyway," recalling the conversation we'd had in the corridor during the fashion show," and do you know what really stabbed me. I mean truly tore scars..." he looked my way startled," all the partying and girls. How many bloody women did you have to go out with..."

"Who? which girls?"

"Oh I don't know Ed, take your pick. A blond in this club, brunette in an after show party. Stumbling all over the place with them like a bucking stallion."

He glared at me," look they weren't even dates just girls. You know what the Paps are like, I can't control them... I mean come on, they were people I met when I was out, and a few were just friends. Like...."

"Like who? Me?," I answered cutting him off.

How was it that when we were out and about we managed to stay below the radar? But those excursions weren't. It took the biscuit that I knew in my bones there had been many more. Some which hadn't been caught on film. It was those ones that played out like sharp horrors in my mind.

"No. Not like you," he paused, inhaling sharply,"Look I didn't come here to fight. I just wanted to talk, see how things were going."

"Everything's fine," I said defiantly," see I'm still living, breathing. Life goes on."

"Ollie that's not what I meant. Between 'us'," he replied, approaching me once more with fire in his eyes," are we square."

"Yep," I nodded unconvincing," we're cool. All 'square'. You've clearly moved on and, me.....I m over you."  
He paused stricken for a moment,"oh."

And there we go bitch mode in full swing again. Noticing with a pang that I'd hit the mark. Making a line of pain dart across his features. Although he seemed to recompose quite quickly.

I took a step back away from the still lingering, ghost like contact of his palms.

He delved one hand into his pocket, running the other in a downward manner from jaw to chin. Taking a few exploratory steps around casting eyes over his surroundings once more. Blue orbs flicking over the changes since he'd last been here.

A dress mannequin in one corner. Materials, mood board and draping swatches covered every conceivable surface. Well out of the way of feisty felines but hung up nonetheless.

"Wow, this is cute,"he said, changing the subject.

Pointing to the top pinned on the dress form.

"Yeah thanks," I responded distractedly. It was too hard to pretend like this wasn't ridiculously awkward. The air between us tense with heaviness. "Look Ed can we, eh. Remain on topic? You came here for a reason .......to get closure, or whatever, right? So can we get back to that? I mean, where do we really go from here?"

He nodded, looking a bit grim before giving a small hopeful smile, "well. I'd rather have you around as a friend than not at all. So maybe we try that...I mean if it's what you want...."

I sighed in agreement, although a bit of my heart sunk.

Christ Ollie what did you expect.

He'd opened up to what he was really feeling. Hiding the fact that I still loved him seemed more like a protective barrier. What we had, what we were, had taken a tole on me. Why was it the moment when I'd decided to finally move forward, was entwined with the past calling out once more? 

So be 'pals'. Just like Gary and Lisa were with him. It would be strange but I could sure as hell try.

It would make things less difficult. My friends were threading on eggshells. Trying to organise their wedding etc, while being ever mindful not to talk about any conversations they had with Ed around me.

It was true I envied the fact that he was still in their lives. Here was the chance to change that. Have him around without added angst of relationship woes or our struggles to see each other through hectic schedules. It wasn't preferential by any means, but it'd have to do.

"Okay I guess we could give it a whirl,"I breathed in slight defeat.

"Great, so do you wanna go grab something to eat,"he swallowed.

His hopeful tone making my mind do a flip. He was glad of my company. Wanted to spend more time together. Which was much more than I dared hope for.

I raised an amused eyebrow, "and have you mobbed. I'll cook alright, just make yourself useful and open some beers okay?"

He squinted at me momentarily,"you don't have to, we can always order in... "

Catching an undercurrent of a joking nature. He'd never let go of the fact that I'd managed to burn cheese on toast.

Not like my culinary skills were great, but I'd hardly poison us. I was more careful nowadays.

"Or, "I repeated, "you can get your lazy butt in motion and do what as asked!"

He chuckled in disbelief, "wow!! Lazy... Really?

"Oh yeah,"I responded delighting inwardly at the sound of his laughter. I'd missed it, and him,"don't expect preferential treatment. Lisa has to get stuck in too when she's here. It's that or starve... "

"Sure thing boss,"he smirked, moving to the drawer.

Knowing where things were kept. He moved smoothly,  with confidence. After all Ed'd practically lived here when he wasn't on tour, and I didn't see the need to reorganize when we split. Shirking out the bottle opener before diving into the fridge. He clicked the lid off quickly placing it down on the counter to my right. Ready for when I wanted it.

Blush creeping up when I caught his eyes drop to the floor. Remembering how we'd made out in this very room. That inconspicuous blank space of linoleum was where bare flesh had laid. Sweaty and hot despite the original chills.. My breath halted scrunching my lids shut in an attempt to forget the memory.

Shooting me a hooded glance before opening his own drink and taking a quick swig. Licking a drop of beer off his bottom lip before biting it nervously. Pinpricking dots of white along the tender flesh.

I'd almost forgotten that look. It was deep and intense. But he was trying to mask it. Making my veins throb wickedly. Almost dropping the pan into the sink as I filled it with water.

Ed cleared his throat. Seeming a bit effected. That was a memory that lingered and neither of us could apparently shake.

"Ollie," he breathed, hand clutching the edge of marbled counter top.

Oh God had this been a bad idea. Inviting him in, in the first place.

Instead of answering straight away, I nodded, voice wavering, "yeah. Whats.....eh, what gives.?"

"Your hands are shaking...."

Glancing down, they were indeed trembling. And that was with only half of the intended water inside it.

"Oh that. It's nothing,"

He moved, coming closer. Making my heart beat even faster.

"Let me help," he breathed, almost within arm distance.

It was then that my hand gave, the metal container dropping into the sink. Sloshing liquid all over me in a startled rush.

"Oh shit... Damn.!!" Anxiety crept up like a firework. Despite the initial shock of being drenched.   
What in the hell was going on with my body?!

"Christ you alright?!" Ed choked out trying to stifel a laugh.

Rolling my eyes towards him,"don't you dare!"

It was hilarious, I knew that. But right now skittishness reigned supreme. Here I was attempting to hold it together and failing in an annoyingly superb fashion.

Glancing at the still figure of Ed out of the corner of my eye.

I found, with some surprise that the water had managed to hit him too. The front fringe of his hair dripping with trickles of wet and the top half of his tshirt also. The look on his face was comical. A mixture of shock, fright and amusement.

His face was bunched up, trying not to burst into fits of laughter. Rosy and troublesome, which just made me giggle. How on earth would he ever get away with planning anyone? No damn poker face. Trying hard to hold onto the sudden urge to laugh., I covered my mouth.

He shook his head once, flicking off most of the wet. Like a dog who just gotten out of a bath. A mischevious glint sparked in his orbs.

"Ed stop......don't... " the droplets were shaking outwards onto me. Purposefully. It was the way he aimed them.   
"Or what,"he chuckled,"you started this"

"Actually I didn't but, I can finish it," I taunted, reaching my hand under the faucet in a pointed gesture. Cupping a hand full of water.

"You wouldn't......."

I raised an eyebrow,"oh really? Care to find out..."

He tightened his jaw in mock menace,"do your worse..."

Laughing like a loon I sprayed it his way. Shocking him into action. We ended up practically wrestling... Full on hysterical challenge mode. Each attempting to control the flow of the faucet. Looking to get the upper hand. Ed struggled to clasp my soaked wrist in his fist to stop me from drenching him again.

The bit of playful messing seemed too unwind whatever tension had been dancing around us. I mean we'd argued, calmed down become uncomfortable, then at ease, followed by weird. All in the past half an hour.

Clasping counter top trying to stop from face planting the floor, I realised something. My kitchen was becoming a bit of a slip in slide. Ed Splashing back as much as I did. If we didn't cease there'd be an accident. Neither of us could stand properly without support, as it was. Accident waiting to happen.

"Okay enough,"I caved wet through chest aching from laughing so much.

"So I win," Ed stopped, chuckling.

His breath hot on my cheek. Unaware how close we were until that exact moment. Our bodies pressed together backed against the sink. His wet clothes crushed against mine. 

Our eyes met. The space miniscule. Both of us realizing at once that there was still a spark. It shot off heatedly. Hitching, when his blue eyes inspected my own. The rise and fall of my chest distracting.

This was some remnant from our time as a couple. And despite every craving to fall back into that I pushed. him aside. Putting some distance between us.

Stat.

My whole being prickled with poker hot anticipation. Inhaling rapidly to calm the racing pulse.

Our so called line of 'friendship' couldn't be crossed. There was still hurt there too. Itching away in my minds eye.

"I'll, eh...get us some towels" stuttering, while crossing the few feet to my airing cupboard.

Avoiding direct eye contact on my way back. I placed the material down to move Twizzlers food dish into a place that wasn't under a layer of water. What a mess.

"Yeah thanks," he breezed in a deeper tone than I was expecting. Taking a few breaths before swiping for the Terry towel I'd left on the counter.

"We should probably just order, guess I'm more tired than I thought,"I said lowly, opening the tin Kitty I kept for such instances.

Glad to see it was still full. Never knew when you'd been in the mood for some greasy goodness. Lisa and I were both partial to a good Chinese.

"Sure thing babe, eh , I mean Ollie...." he agreed, pink tipping his ears.

Burying his face into the towel as he dried himself..

I became mesmerized by his form in my kitchen. The mere movement of his arms as they flexed, those glorious shoulders and tapered down of chest to waist. His shirt practically clung in all the right places. Droplets of water trickling over the the bright inkwork sleeves. Meshing the fair hairs in a manner that invited perusal..

As he finished off drying his face I started the pretext of doing the same to my hair. Jaw almost dropping to the floor as he swiftly moved to the living room. Tugging off the wet cotton as if I wasn't even still present in the room.

Sweet flaming God in heavens if it was at all possible he'd gotten even better looking. As if he'd been working out, but not too much. Just enough to define some of the panes of his body.

My stomach lunged. The jeans he wore were low on his hips. Showing a lovely sight of elasticated designer boxers. And that smattering of coarse hair which blanketed his flesh. Was almost sinful in the way it begged to be touched.

My knees became literally putyified.. Ed hadn't noticed the stare thank goodness, too busy rescuing his hoodie. Lacing arms through it before zipping the thing up against the bare skin of chest. I involuntarily jumped. Imagining the chill of the metal teeth. But he didn't even so much as flinch.

Heart thundering in my ears my hands stilled. Moving to ball up the now sodden towel and toss it, along with the one Ed had been using into the machine.

"Pizza okay," he called from the living room. Cell phone in hand.

"Sounds great," I acknowledged. Pulling out the mop to quickly run it over the floor. Get rid of the mess on the lino, before there was an accident.

"The usual?"

"No point in messing with the classics," I joked. Hearing him quickly relay the order to the Take Away.   
My stomach grumbled, already anticipating the onslaught of melted cheese and pepperoni. Relishing the spices that came with the zingy meat feast special of my local pizza joint.

I was glad that Ed shared my love of the more spicy option. Although it rarely settled well, our taste buds enjoyed every mouth full.

"Be about half an hour," he said, coming to lean on the kitchen unit before shooting back up hurriedly.   
I shot him a puzzled glance,"that's fine... Eh, What's wrong?"

He ran a hand sheepishly down the back of his neck,"I can see your ....well.... Eh, maybe just change tops..."

Tops?! Flicking eyes down I could see, horror of horrors, straight through to my flesh. The white shirt I'd worn for work today was completely see through around my upper chest.... And the nude tone push up bra made it look like I was some Barbie doll. Nipple-less and quite frankly.... Weird.

Covering myself with my hands I dashed into my bedroom. Face heated up madly.

Damn, bloody hell, damn. He'd seen me in various stages of nudity, and positions but this, now, was the most humiliating yet. Grappling through my wardrobe in a tizzy to find something suitable for hanging out with a 'friend.'

Casting aside my 'pulling' tops and bosom enhancers with irritation. When I had Lisa over I threw on a vest and didn't care if it all hung out. But now..... I'd have to cover up.


End file.
